"Waitress", shouted the impatient diner, "do I have to sit here and starve all night?"
"No, sir, we close at 9 o'clock."
Customer: Waiter, I've only got one piece of meat in my dish.
Waiter: Just a moment, sir, and I'll cut it in two.
America is really the land of opportunity. Take Michael Jackson for example. A poor black boy grew up to be a rich white woman.
Mr. Smith: Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup.
Waiter: Yes, sir, I know--it's the heat that kills it.
Customer: I'd like to try on that dress in the window.
Saleslady: I'm sorry, madam. You'll have to use the fitting room like everybody else.
Jack: My daughter's music lessons are a fortune to me.
John: How is that?
Jack: They enabled me to buy the neighbor's houses at half price.
A pretty girl went to cash a check at a bank. The teller asked, "Can you identify yourself?"
The girl puzzled, pulled out a mirror, glanced, and smiled, "Yes, it's me."
A florist shop was signed with "SAY IT WITH FLOWERS".
Customer: "Wrap up one rose, please."
The florist: "Only one?"
Customer: "Yes, just one. I’m a man of few words."
A driver speeding along a highway at 80 miles an hour was stopped.
Driver: Was I driving too fast?
Policeman: No, you were flying too low!
"I don't like what you said. I’ll give you five minutes to take it back."
"And what if I don't take it back in five minutes?"
"Well, then I'll give you more time."